The Talk

Posted on 21 May 2021 @ 8:00pm by Mage Kalian Winter & Warrior Martin Josceran & Rogue Elinowy Ursulas
Edited on on 02 Jul 2021 @ 9:56pm

4,047 words; about a 20 minute read

Mission: Lore's Labour's Lost
Location: Raven's Roost
Timeline: Cloudreach 18th - midday

Martin was all too relieved to escape the scathing eyes of his superior, and grateful to Sister Elinowy for this opportunity to slip away before another tongue-lashing occurred. Captain Landry had a way with words.

The streets of Jader looked inordinately cheerful in the midday sunlight. People were already hanging up decorations and the enticing smell of sweetcakes wafted through the streets, reminding Martin inopportunely that he hadn't eaten since... was it lunch yesterday ? No, actually, it had been breakfast. No wonder he was starving.

If Sister Elinowy was hungry she did not show it. She had gathered the scraps of her shirt under her borrowed vest to protect what she could of her modesty but there was no way of hiding entirely the torn, bloodied garment. Some people stared - some even leered - hastily turning away when Martin glowered at them. He must look like he'd had a really bad day because people cut him a wide berth.

"Are you alright, sister ?" Martin asked, when the silence had dragged on for a bit too long.

While still a stranger to much of Jader, Elinowy could see the streets becoming more familiar looking as they neared the tavern. The onlookers and gawkers and even the decorations for the forth coming festivities passed unnoticed by her. Her mood becoming darker the nearer to the Raven they came. While much of Jader may now look to them as champions of virtue, she felt defeated. She had no notion of how to deal with Kalian in a way that was just and merciful. She owed him her life. She should seek the counsel of her Sisters, yet she had failed to alert the guard to the presence of an apostate in their community. So was she to add deceiver to the litany of sins growing inside her. The sister turned her head up to look at Martin. "I apologize, there has been much in the last day or two to consider. Thank you for stopping by so I can pick up my robes."

"Oh - yes, of course," Martin said, just a second too late to seem natural. Inside he winced. He wasn't ready to face Kalian yet but when he did, he didn't think they could postpone that little talk for much longer.

Eli looked at Martin quizzically. In all of her confusion, he was also a witness that kept his silence. He alone was a confederate that understood. "Do you think he fears us? He wouldn't even ride with us back into town, to his own home?" she said with deep regret.

"Fear us...?" Martin echoed, surprised. He hadn't really thought of that. The notion of a mage being frightened felt foreign and yet... Elinowy may be right. Kalian had a lot of things to lose - not just for himself, but his family as well. "I don't know. I think he just didn't want to draw more attention to himself." He grimaced. "That's probably for the best considering the reaming we just got. I don't think I want the captain's attention on Kalian." Saying that made him realize just how far he'd got. This was an apostate - an apostate ! - and neither of them had breathed a word of it to the proper authorities. The thought made him dizzy.

What am I doing...? If anyone finds out... pleading ignorance won't get me out of this one.

Martin thought of Gauvain, the way he'd look at him if he knew. And then, unbidden, the image of Kalian replaced him. Battered and tired but still using his magic to help others.

"What about you ?" he asked, stopping to look at Elinowy in the eyes. "Are you afraid of him ?"

The sister stopped thinking about about her feelings on the matter. "...afraid... would not be the correct word. Fearful perhaps, of what is is or could become... but I... trust him. Is that wrong?" she genuinely didn't know the answer to that. Her teachings said yes, but her heart said no. She was seriously torn.

The inn was not exactly on their way to the Chantry, but not an excessively long detour either. It took only a few more minutes (and some more oggling of Elinowy's curvaceous body) until they made it to the Raven's Roost. The intricately carved door looked the same yet, somehow, different. More ominous. The carved birds stared at Martin with their wooden eyes, and he looked away before knocking firmly on the door.

Elinowy suppressed the urge to run away from the forthcoming confrontation. May Kalian would not be home. Then she merely needed to apologize to his sister for the destruction of her property. Her hands patted the vest over the shredded rags she wore. The walk to the door of the Inn seemed to take an eternity. Elinowy looked sheepishly over to Martin, hoping the guard might take the lead in entering the establishment.

The temptation to turn around was great, and if Elinowy hadn't been there Martin would probably have taken the coward's way out. But she was there, and needed her clothes, and running wouldn't solve this. Only make it worse. Bracing himself, Martin turn the handle.

As Martin and Eliinowy got close to the tavern's front door, they could hear a raised female voice. The precise words were too muffled by solid wooden walls to understand, but the gist was clear. The woman was delivering a brutal litany of reproach and chastisement, that resolved and increased in volume when they opened the outer door.

The woman – now recognizable as Tessa - shouted, "Of all the stupid, idiotic –" something crashed "- you think those people will be grateful for your help? They don't care, and you know it- " Tessa stopped shouting as the tavern's inner door opened and Martin and Elinowy stepped inside.

The Raven's Roost common room was empty of people, except for Kalian, his father, and Tessa. Cook peeked out from the kitchen door. Kalian sat at a table in the middle of the room, a tankard in front of him, still wearing the filthy and blood-spattered clothes from the mine and looking utterly dejected and miserable. Kalian's father was next to him in his wheeled chair, one hand on Kalian's shoulder, the other covering his face – possibly in prayer or hiding tears, or both. Tessa had been pacing next to an over-turned chair, but she stood still, folded her arms, and glared at Kalian's two supposed friends. She called out, "Cook, please bring another tankard of ale and a pot of tea." Tessa sighed then, and added, "And whatever is leftover from breakfast."

Martin felt like an intruder. Kalian looked awful, and he wished there had been time for his family to at least talk it out. Now he regretted not suggesting they get a change of clothes elsewhere for Sister Elinowy, but it was too late, so he met Tessa's glare with as neutral an expression as he could muster. It was awkward, accepting her hospitality, but refusing it would be worse.

"Good morning," he said, feeling the absurdity of the words before he'd finished speaking them. "I apologize for the interruption. Sister Elinowy needs to change, and..." his eyes met Kalian's, or tried to. "...I guess we should talk. If now's a good time."

Elinowy sheepishly follow Martin. "Blessings upon your house." she said uneasily. She felt speechless for words. He lowered her head and approached Tessa, opening the vest revealing the shredded, bloodstained outfit underneath. "I am so sorry..."

Tessa's expression softened immediately both seeing the sister's condition and assuming her expression of sorrow was for the predicament her brother could be in. "Maker's breath, Elinowy, what a state you're in! Your clothing is washed and waiting for you in my father's room next to the kitchen. Cook is heating bathwater for Kalian, but you shall have it first."

Kalian looked up at his two friends, marginally relieved that they had interrupted Tessa's tirade. Cook brought out a tray with the aforementioned tea and second tankard of ale, along with cold sausage rolls, bread, and cheese. No pain au chocolat.

He sighed, then leaned toward his father, kissed his damp cheek, and whispered, "It'll be all right." Sitting up straight, Kalian said, "Father, Tessa, Cook, will you excuse us?" The three exchanged weighted looks but didn't protest, then headed toward the kitchen, where Kalian had little doubt they'd all be eavesdropping. "Please sit down Elinowy, Martin. I'm ready to have that talk."

Elinowy kept a practiced serene demeanor on her face, inwardly trembling. At least he was ready, she thought. She was nowhere close and rather wished for the bath and her clothes, not knowing if they would still be available after 'the talk'.

It would have been easier if they'd received less of a welcome, Martin thought as he pulled a chair for Sister Elinowy, then took one for himself. If Kalian's family hadn't been so damn nice. The whole rhetoric behind locking mages up was them being a danger to society, but there was no sense of danger there. Instead all Martin could see was a loving, worried family with strong enough ethics not to kick him and the Sister out. They knew either of them could be the arm of the Chantry and yet... he shook his head, willing the turmoil and confusion to go away. The world used to be simpler.

An awkward silence settled between them. Warm sunlight filtered through the windows, lighting up the golden tones of the wooden furniture. There was something cozy and welcoming about this place - not exactly the abode of a sinister apostate.

"I have to admit, you had me completely fooled," Martin said finally. It was a simple statement of fact, devoid of bitterness. "You're good at hiding what you are."

And yet, Kalian had thrown all of that away for the sake of others. That thought kept circling in Martin's head, and intruding where sternness should have.

Elinowy's passive face cracked for a moment into a smile. "Indeed, I felt that Martin was the Apostate." her smile faded immediately after realizing she just name Kalian as the Apostate he was.

Kalian responded with a small, sad smile, and picked up a sausage roll gesturing for Martin and Elinowy to dig in. They must be as hungry as him. He chewed with gusto and washed it down with a gulp of ale.

"It's true, I should have confided in you when we knew the conflict in the mine would become violent." Kalian sighed, ruefully. "I didn't set out to fool either of you. I simply didn't use magic in your presence, just as a responsible swordsman keeps his blade sheathed. But then, I had no choice. My skills were needed and I had to do the right thing." He couldn't let Elinowy die, and though the outcome had been less certain, Martin might have fallen against the qunari without his help. "I'm the same man, and I think of you both as my friends. Perhaps what has changed is the way you think of me."

Eating sausage rolls seemed a little bit inappropriate while discussing life-changing issues but Martin's stomach reminded him that he hadn't eaten in a day, and the smell of the food was mouth-watering. Allowing himself only a brief sigh of annoyance at Kalian's never-ending kindness, he helped himself to one of the golden, crispy rolls. If Kalian was trying to make them feel bad about possibly turning him in... well, he was succeeding.

"I don't blame you for hiding what you are," Martin said after he'd swallowed a mouthful. "I'd probably have done the same if I was..." he waved his hand vaguely, unable to say the word. He'd heard it spoken too often, with too much hatred, to use it lightly. "It's impressive that you've managed to keep it hidden for so long."

Impressive, and hinted at a high level of control. But the law was the same, regardless. Martin frowned, staring at his half-eaten roll as if he'd find answers there.

"And fortunate, I suppose. For me, anyway. If you hadn't been... a mage..." once again he couldn't bring himself to say apostate, "...this fight would probably have gone very differently. A lot of people would have died. It seems unfair - " Martin cut himself off. He wasn't even sure where he was going with this, or what he wanted to say. It seems unfair that your punishment for saving lives should be life in prison. It was. It was unfair. That thought was like a revelation, but not one that eased Martin's quandary in any way.

Kalian's lips tugged into a sad smile. He wondered if Martin had any idea how condescending he sounded. Fairness. It served the Chantry's interests to promote fear and hatred of all mages and the belief that fairness did not apply to such as him. Was Martin the kind of man who thought for himself and lived by his own principles and by the Maker's grace? Or was he a man controlled by dogma and laws designed to keep the merciless Chantry in power? Kalian expected he was about to find out.

The Sister did not partake of the food but did quietly sip her tea. "... if I had known before that you were a... mage, we would be having a very different conversation. I feel indebted to you and quite grateful, despite ....your mageness." she said awkwardly gathering her thoughts to sounds somewhat coherent. "Chantry teachings are quite clear. Magic is meant to be used under careful scrutiny. Too much power has twisted too many from the path of light. Fearsome powers are meant to be kept in the safety of a Circle. While these institutions were not necessarily ordained by Andraste, they keep to the intent we feel the maker would have wanted. It is a hard life. Not one most would choose. Have you maybe thought of not being magical?" it came out as awkwardly as if sounded, in that she really didn't want to accuse her friend, who had saved her life, of anything wrong, even though she knew the corrupting influence of magic in a person's life.

"Have you ever thought of just being shorter?" asked Kalian, with mild humor. He could see how Elinowy struggled with knowing he was a mage. He hoped that her grounding in the Chant and search for spiritual wisdom could lead her beyond the Chantry's propaganda.

"I am indeed fortunate that I was taught by an extremely skilled and disciplined instructor," said Kalian, responding to Martin's implied question. "My grandmother taught me out of love and a dedication to making certain I had complete control of my magic, so that I can protect myself, my loved ones, and everyone around me. She also taught me, among other things, the Chant of Light."

Kalian responded to Elinowy's statements. "The Chant of Light says that magic must serve people, not rule over them. Nowhere does it say that magic is evil. Nowhere in the Chant of Light does it say that mages must be caged and tortured in servitude to the Chantry. Nowhere does it say that mages must be hated and feared, and denied the shelter of pity and compassion. The Chantry instigated those teachings in service to its own power. The Chantry uses templars to control mages, and uses lyrium to control templars."

The statement stung. She could see how some might see the Chantry's actions like he was saying, but it was all to protect people and the mages themselves. She gently closed her eyes. "Magic is not evil. And the Maker did intend for magic to serve people. Power is the great corrupter. In its balance, Magic is a gift to all, until one uses it for Power. Strength such as the Templars, is wonderful and meant to serve the weak, but when used for power it becomes wrong and unjust. The Chantry is not immune to the influence of power. Without Love and compassion, the Chantry might was well be any noble house playing their games. Each blessing mush be tempered by control. Sometimes the controls are not just. We live in a world fallen from the Maker's will. So we try to keep the blessings of the maker in check so as not to fall from his grace. Mages have Circles, Templars have Lyrium and the Chantry has Seekers to keep its own passions in balance. None of us are trusted on our own. When we feel we have control we lose it.

Kalian, you know each time you open yourself to the fade, there is the potential for possession. Not all things from beyond the veil are good and you invite them into yourself when you use magic. That is why the Circle protects its own. I only want what is best for you and keeps you safe." She spoke with the sincerity of one who believed what she was saying. "In the end we all have the Chant and its directing us to the Maker." she smiled at Kalian.

Martin listened silently to the theological debate between Sister Elinowy and Kalian. Kalian's view was cynical but not fundamentally incorrect. It was all a bit more complicated than that, of course, but the deeply intricate roots of the Chantry's beliefs and teachings did not change the facts that mages had to live with. Martin's thoughts wandered towards Tevinter. The Templars there had no smiting power, but abominations were dealt with swiftly and efficiently all the same. By mages.

The problem was that, if Martin accepted that Kalian could control himself and not be a danger to others, that would mean opening the door to a lot of uncomfortable thoughts and questions about how truly righteous the Chantry was.

I kind of opened that door years ago, though...

Thinking back, maybe that decision had been made back when he'd left the Order. And when he'd lied to his superior, earlier today. And when he'd come here to talk, rather than with a squad of Templars. A sentimental fool, that's what my father would say. His mother would approve though, if she'd been still alive ; and she knew better than most what life was like for those suspected of apostasy.

"Sister Elinowy," he said, taking advantage of a lull in her conversation with Kalian. "Kalian has managed to keep demons at bay for many years. On his own. I believe he's earned at least the benefit of the doubt. I... for one... believe he is able to keep himself safe without interference from the Chantry." He looked at Kalian. "I was shocked to find out the truth and I'll admit I needed a bit of time to wrap my mind around it. But... you had good reason to keep your secret, yet you gave yourself away for the sake of others. And for my sake, too. So... thank you."

Some years ago Kalian had promised himself that he wouldn't apologize for the way the Maker made him, but to hear Martin thank him and express his willingness to give him the benefit of the doubt, filled the mage with a deep, warm affection. His eyes welled with unshed tears and it was all he could do to control his urge to kiss the man. "Thank you, Martin. I'm sorry if this puts you in a difficult position with the Jader guard. I swear that I will continue to demonstrate your belief in me is not misplaced."

"Elinowy," said Kalian gently, turning to the sister, "I appreciate this is difficult for you as well. But truly, I don't want power. Do you know what I really want? Something much better than power. I want love. A family. But… I know that as an apostate, that is too much to hope for. Now, I'm a part of my sister's family, and a member of my community. In a Circle tower I wouldn't even have the freedom to love another person." He paused and decided not to share that he would die before he went to a mage prison. "I ask that if you decide to turn me in, you warn me first, so that I can prepare myself, and say my goodbyes."

The Chantry sister reached out her arm to touch Kalian's hand. "The Maker wants us to love each other. That is what this life is about. We are to work together to bring glory to the Maker... that would imply that we need to be responsible to one another. To keep each other aligned to the Maker's will." she paused, gathering her thoughts. This was not the way the Chantry taught for handling mages, but this was a man, not just a mage, a man who had saved her life. "If you are willing, I will take it upon myself to meet with you regularly to guide your spiritual journey. Perhaps the close scrutiny of one within the Chantry would suffice. Should a day come where it would be necessary for you to join a circle, I will definitely allow you the time you need to spend with your family." Her pulse accelerated, she was trying to do the will of the Maker in showing mercy. But she was clearly forsaking the edicts of the Chantry council. She was uncertain what to do. She looked kindly into Kalian's eyes, squeezing his hand. "And thank you for my life and your friendship." The sister smiled genuinely at him, but there was a distinct tension in her eyes.

Kalian bowed his head in disappointment and reminded himself that Elinowy couldn't help her prejudice. Her beliefs were the product of over a thousand years of Chantry hubris and cruelty. She assumed that because she was not a mage and he was, that she was morally superior. That as a Chantry sister she had the right to take control of his life, to decide if he lived or died. But he would not accept captivity, even to one Chantry sister.

He nodded and met Elinowy's gaze. "I will meet with you regularly, if that is what it takes to convince you I'm not a danger to those around me," said Kalian. "I will share my spiritual journey with you, and I equally look forward to you sharing your spiritual journey with me."

If Martin was fully honest with himself, he was a little bit relieved by Sister Elinowy's offer. Not because he didn't trust Kalian, but because it alleviated a little bit his guilt at breaking the very law he was supposed to uphold. Still, he couldn't find it in himself to regret his choice. It felt like the right thing to do.
Does it mean the Chantry is wrong about how it deals with mages ? Tevinter isn't full of abominations... somehow they manage to control it. But... not every mage can be trusted like Kalian.

Out loud he said, "I'm glad we could work things out." He looked at Sister Elinowy and Kalian, the most unlikely of friends - and yet their differences made their strength. "How about we drink to friendship then ? And," he looked at Kalian with an only slightly pained grin, "I promise not to send my Templar friends here anymore."

The sister patted Kalian's arm as she slowly took her hand back. "I pray the Maker may bless us and our journey together. I am hopeful it might be a new ministry for Chantry houses all over Thedas." Elinowy trusted in love and that the Maker would honor this derailment of normal protocols. She cared deeply for Kalian's soul and his aspirations to give to his family and community. She also prayed she was doing the right thing." She took up her teacup and lifted it to Martin's salute. "May the Maker bless us all."

"Thank you, both of you. And my family thanks you to." That had gone better than it might have. Kalian lifted his tankard. "To friends!"

Kalian drained the last of the ale in his tankard just as the Raven's front door opened to reveal Rhiannon, Cainan, and an elf he'd seen at the mine but not spoken to. Saved from additional awkwardness by the arrival of more people.

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